Hawk/Handsaw Sidestory: Sleep Well, Little Amazon
by N. Reynolds
Summary: Too little sleep prompted this.


Once apon a time there was an Amazon named Ranma. But unlike other Amazons, Ranma spent most of his life wandering the world, training to be the best fighter ever. His only companion on this trip was his father, who was also a panda.  
No one knew how a panda could have a human as a child, or how a human could have a panda as a father. But everyone agreed that while the panda was a decent fighter, and more intelligent than most pandas, he was much dumber than most fathers.  
Ranma had another feature unique to him. He couldn't stay the same, but was always changing from a girl to a boy, and back again. Now if he could do it whenever he wanted to, it would have been kind of neat. But he would always change at the worst possible moment.  
Because no one knew if he were a boy or a girl, and because he had a panda for a father, people looked at him as if he were wierd. Thats why he left the village with his father to train.  
Now if there had been other adults around, they could have stopped the panda from doing stupid things, but because he was Ranma's father, Ranma had to do every stupid thing his father thought up. Over the years the panda did many stupid things.  
Eventually they returned to the village to settle down. Ranma liked this, because he didn't have many friends. But just as they found a hut to live in, the panda made an announcement.  
When the panda was young, his best friend was a Giant named Soun. The giant and the panda decided that their children would be best of friends. Now the panda only had Ranma, but the giant had had a human wife, that bore her three daughters, before the wife died in battle.  
The first daughter was the very image of a human princess named Kasumi. She was a healer, and never learned how to fight. Everybody liked Kasumi, even those that hated her family said that Kasumi was nice.  
The second daughter, Nabiki, was a wisp of shadow. Able to hide in the smallest of places, and ferret out any secret, She could travel through the smallest of places, and get by nearly any lock or door, but being only shadow, she could never fight at all.  
The third daughter was an ogress. Her name was Akane. She was immensely strong, she could uproot trees, and destroy hills! When she got angry, she'd tear up whole groves, and her anger made her even stronger than her father, the giant. She was a good fighter. There were faster fighters, and more skilled fighters than her, but she was better than most.  
The panda and the giant anounced that Ranma must pick a best friend from the three daughters, and that she and Ranma would swear to be best friends forever.  
The oldest sister thought Ranma was wierd. Whoever heard of a panda for a father? Also she was afraid of catching whatever made Ranma change from a girl to a boy, not that anyone ever did catch it, but she was scared anyway. She suggested that he become friends with Akane.  
The middle daughter could tell that the panda was an idiot, and if the panda were an idiot, then Ranma probably was as well. She also suggested that Ranma become friends with Akane.  
Unfortunately Akane hated boys, and with good reason. In a nearby village there were alot of bows, and half of them would attack and tease Akane every day. The other boys were good boys, but they could never get near Akane, because the other boys would attack them.  
The best fighter among the boys was a skilled swordsman named Kuno, but Kuno was as dumb as a potato. He believed he was Akane's best friend, and was ordering the boys to attack her to make her a better fighter. Akane hated him more than she ever hated anyone in the world. Since she only met the mean and stupid boys, she thought all boys were mean and stupid.  
Akane swore that she would never become friends with someone who turned into a boy, and had a panda as a father. She called him names, and made fun of him. This made Ranma mad, because he wasn't as dumb as his father, even if he behaved dumb because he never lived near any smart people before. Since Akane had insulted him, he insulted Akane right back.  
Unfortunately, they were arguing so loudly, that they didn't notice the panda and the giant. The giant said, look how much they're talking! They'll be best friends for life! My other daughters are so smart, and they think Akane is best. We must make them best friends. Ranma and Akane were arguing so much that they couldn't stop their parents from making this stupid mistake.  
The next day, Ranma and Akane went to school, and Ranma saw how mean the mean boys were, and thought to himself "No wonder she hates boys. But I never would do something like that, and besides, I'm a girl half the time."  
Then the skilled swordsman noticed how Ranma and Akane came to school together and got jealous. He shouted that Ranma was trying to steal his best friend from him. Ranma shouted back "If I wanted to steal someone's best friend, I'd pick someone nicer"  
At this point, Akane wanted to clobber both of them. But before she could do anything, Ranma clobbered the swordsman and ran into school.  
Now it should be pointed out, that Ranma's father, the panda, would eat anything it could, since thats what pandas do. But over the years he had eaten so many things that didn't belong to him, that someone cast a curse on him, and some of this curse stuck to Ranma as well.  
The curse made it so that Ranma would always say things in such a way that someone might be insulted or misunderstand. He would tell the truth, like when he tried to tell Kuno he would never steal someones friend, he wound up insulting Akane saying she wasn't nice enough.  
In spite of everything Akane said about him, he still thought Akane was neat. She was the first ogre he had ever met, and she was stronger than even his father. Ranma was a better fighter and wouldn't lose to Akane, but Akane was stronger.  
Then one day a foriegn princess arrived. She said Ranma and his panda ate some fruit from her fruit tree during their long journey. The princess claimed that since only herself and her best friend were allowed to eat that fruit, Ranma better make her his best friend. The princess even said that they already must be best friends, so Ranma better admit to everyone that the princess was his best friend. 


End file.
